Getting older.

Tomorrow, my best friend turns another year older.
And as I think about how we'll celebrate, I'm reminded that everybody deserves a day.
A day where they are reminded that the world is a better place because he or she is here.
Unless of course the world is NOT a better place -- then we should just avoid the party altogether.

But really, mostly everybody should get to have a day that's all about them!
And it's just my observation, but after about age 10, birthday parties are kinda lame.
I have adult friends who haven't had a "Oh my word we're so glad you were born" party since they were very young (if ever).
I wonder why it's so hard to just speak words of blessing and rejoicing over someone -- whether it's her birthday or not?
Why do we hold back when it's so clear that, "I'm grateful for you", or "I chose you", could change the trajectory of that person's day?
Are we're afraid that if we hand out the "goods" (you know affirmation, love, respect, honor, delight) there won't be enough left over for us?
Or is it just too big of a risk to set ourselves aside -- our time, our wants, our plans, our desire to be chosen -- and just chose?
I don't always know what it is that keeps me from just taking the plunge and just pointing out the obvious to the people I love...
You matter.
God did a really great thing when He made you.
You are a treasure to me and lot of others.
I'm so honored to be your friend, neighbor, co-worker, 

daughter, mom, wife.
 
Which brings me back to tomorrow...
Because tomorrow is definately a day to make some noise, jump up and down, and shout Hooray!!  
48 years ago, on 9.28.62, Kelly Scott Fair came onto the scene.
And the world, and my life, has most certainly been improved.

I'm going to look for my noisemakers (think wooden spoon 
and the lid to the skillet), 
who are you going to celebrate tomorrow?

The campfire conspiracy.

Don't tell my kids, 
but we have a secret weapon.
Just when we think all is lost,
that the pull of being a teenager whose
hands are busy texting, ears are blocked
by "buds", and mind is anywhere and everywhere, else...
We build a campfire.
Yep, a few pieces of wood and a match or 20 & we're back in business.  

Before we ever had kids -- I remember an older friend telling us that anytime he was worried or wondering about what was happening with his girls, he would build a fire in the backyard, get the marshmallows, graham crackers & chocolate out and then, just wait. It wouldn't take long before both his daughters would open up about whatever it was that was pulling them off-center.
Back then, when we first heard him say this, I remember being arrogant enough to believe I would never need the magic powers that are available through the campfire.  MY kids were always going to talk to me.  
MY kids would always invite me into their lives.  
MY kids wouldn't need to be bribed with sweets & burning wood.
MY kids....
      well, you get the picture.

But here's the deal - MY kids, your kids, all kids,
are carrying stuff like we can't imagine.  
Even when you think you're watching all the time (as if that's possible)
and you think you know what it is your child is up against, 
he or she can drift away. 
And you're standing right there watching. 
Praying.  Advocating.  Loving.  
All of that can be true and your child can still 
look you right in the eye and then turn and walk away.  

And sometimes if you're thinking fast, 
you run out and light the fire.
And then, if it's one of those magic nights...
                             they turn around and walk back.

Could be the smell of burning wood or the chocolate and marshmallows.
Or maybe, just maybe it's the safe spot that is your love.
Whatever it is, when it happens -- when you sit there for hours and 
they tell you their secrets and talk about their dreams...
All of a sudden everything seems possible again and 
You'd give just about anything for 5 more minutes around the fire.

Friends - new and old.

Last night I had the privilege to be in the room with 4 women who
I have known nearly 25 years but haven't seen in awhile.
High school and college friends who gathered to reconnect and remember.
In fact, as I sat beside my college roommate, a woman I haven't seen for over 20 years,
I kept thinking...
         "It's like she just walked in from microbiology lab".
She was, and is, full of life and joy and -- she's really funny.

Every person in the room is living this full, glorious, crazy,
"what in the world is coming next" kind of life.
Kids leaving for college, daughters getting married,
businesses being built, classrooms being managed, households being run,
and one of us (no names here, Jillynn) with a toddler still at home!

And other than the 17 children we have between us and
the combined age of, well... A LOT,
nothing's really changed.
But actually, that's not true -- when you listen beneath the surface,
you could hear that everything has changed.

There has been amazing and yet difficult work taking place in all of us.
While we've been navigating life, raising children, loving husbands, and
figuring out how to best honor extended family and friends...
we've been living lives we hope will bring the Father glory.

Once last night I closed my eyes and we were 19 again.
Laughing at something stupid I had done, listening to each
others hopes and dreams, crying over something really difficult one of us
was facing, and then laughing again.

I'm honored to know these women.
To be 45 with them.
Glad that some things never change...
but then, grateful other things do.

Home.

Recently, I've been thinking some about home.
Not the one I live in here.
That would be the one that currently needs a thorough cleaning,
a fresh coat of paint, and oh yeah -- a new roof.
Nope, I've been thinking about my actual home.
The place I really belong.
Because there is a place...
big enough to hold all my worry,
absorb all the struggle,
and answer all the wondering about when, if, why, and "how come?".
When I walk into that space, my rest will be enough,
my tears will be no more, and my joy will be complete.
The day that everything becomes possible,
when the 2nd, 3rd, & 4th chance feel just like the 1st, &
my need to scrap and claw and prove are over...
I'll know I'm home.

Forever,
    for good,
       forgiven.
Heaven.
The only home I've ever needed or actually really longed for.

 
(the images aren't that great -- but the words...oh my)

Sing Me to Heaven

Text by Jane Griner

In my heart's sequestered chambers lie truths stripped of poets' gloss
Words alone are vain and vacant, and my heart is mute
In response to aching silence, memory summons half-heard voices
And my soul finds primal eloquence, and wraps me in song

If you would comfort me, sing me a lullaby
If you would win my heart, sing me a love song
If you would mourn me and bring me to God,
sing me a requiem, sing me to Heaven

Touch in me all love and passion, pain and sorrow
Touch in me grief and comfort, love and passion, pain and pleasure
Sing me a lullaby, a love song, a requiem
Love me, comfort me, bring me to God

Sing me a love song, sing me to Heaven

Walking with Dreamers.

There have been times that I've been accused of being a dreamer.

Head in the clouds.

Not practical.

If you only had a plan to back up all your energy.

Yep - a dreamer.

You know what, I don't care -- in fact I'm starting to like it!  

A lot.

 
Recently, my family was at this huge "amish-like" restaurant (where we go once a year to completely stuff our faces with carbs) and this sign was hanging on the wall.
I want this sign -- for real.
I like what it has to say about dreaming AND believing.  To do both, you do have to have courage and cheer.  It's helpful to have a good plan too (which I'm still working on seeing the value of).  But mostly I love the line right there in the middle: THE SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE WITH THEIR HEADS IN THE CLOUDS AND THEIR FEET ON THE GROUND.  

Makes me think about heaven every time.  

I live here -- but I Do. Not. Belong. Here.  A hard concept to remember in the midst of strategy sessions at work, saving for college, getting the kids (and myself) to the dentist, and trying to figure out why sometimes I need a vacation...
after vacation.  


Tonight, I'm going to go to bed dreaming.
And tomorrow, when I wake up -- I hope I'm still dreaming, 
about the day when relationships are easy, doctors reports don't matter all that much, rest is refreshing, and my kids put away their laundry without being asked.
And that maybe, just maybe you're walking with me!